This site has sat finished for months. It’s slightly embarrassing how long it’s been. I thought I hesitated to make it live because there was a word on one of the galleries that didn’t feel right. Then I had miscarriage.
I recorded all my thoughts on my phone about what I was feeling at any given time. Before long, I had several journal entries. Words are powerful, and perhaps you can start to see why one word on a website could hold me back from publishing it as a whole. Writing has always held therapeutic power for me.
Growing up, it was how I communicated complicated feelings. I’d write letters to my parents and to be honest it caused a lot of tension, as it wasn’t how they preferred to communicate. Fast forward to my marriage. When I struggle to express my thoughts, I journal. And I feel better. The trouble is that I don’t think to share it with my husband and that lack of communication can cause strain. Yup nearly 10 years into this marriage thing and I’m still having these “lightbulb moments.”
So what’s my point? I journaled all these thoughts and emotions during my miscarriage and didn’t really know what to do with them. Sure they helped me process what I was feeling, but it didn’t quite feel like that was all they were supposed to do. I surprised myself when I started thinking that I wanted to share all those very personal things with other people. It’s very strange for me to choose to be vulnerable because I often care far too much what others think. Or what I imagine they may think about me. So more often than not, I don’t share anything. This is why you’ll find the social pages for my business to be fairly sparse.
Sure I could post them there and perhaps I will, but a phrase I heard once stuck in my head. A business individual had said that as great as your social pages are, they aren’t truly yours. And perhaps my website isn’t truly mine either, but I feel I have a bit more control here.
So that’s where these thoughts will live. Out there in the world. Is that scary? Oh you bet. Will I second guess it a lot as I prepare them? Undoubtedly. But I feel very convicted by this and sometimes when you feel a nudge, you just have to leap to see where He guides you to land.
